Life & Breakups

So, How have y'all been??!!  Its been such a long time!  huh?  Well, I have a ton of stuff going on in my life now and I figured why not blog???  Right!?

Anyhow, here is the reason why I feel the need to blog.....Ive always wrote blogs to help others who maybe going through things similar to me and hopefully it'll help someone else.  I always tend to write about my mental illness, my faith, and just life in general.  I am praying that this post will help me as well....you know, help clear my mind and maybe even get some insight from some others who maybe going through this as well.

So, 2 1/2 weeks ago, my son's father, my bf of the last 15 years has ended it with me......

Yea, that's exactly what I was thinking......This has been a really hard time for me.....If y'all have read my previous blogs, I am sure i have mentioned a list of mental issues I have, but if you don't know.....here is a list...

• bipolar disorder
• PTSD
• Borderline personality
• Adjustment disorder
• schezo
• social anxiety

So, you can only imagine how this has been going for me.

Week:1

 I was angry, sad, confused, scared, everything! Just a total wreck!!  I haven't had to work in like 8 years, to now.....I HAVE to work to get a place for my son and myself.  On top of that....its sooooo lonely! Especially if you have no friends and things because your focus has been on him for years!! And not on yourself. I constantly wanted to fight with him......just to have a conversation with him and stuff.  BUT, things are getting a little easier to deal with.

Week 2:

Getting easier.....I have finally just left him alone.  Which, when u still live under the same roof it is very hard!!  I finally told him I have no fight left in me.  I was soooo tired! Physically and mentally.  (the reason I am still in his house is because I have no where else to go and I just started working and its gonna take money to move) Anyhow.......I'm done. I am tired of questioning why I was not good enough.  Because, I am GOOD.  and if he didn't see that, well, his loss.  And I am FAR from perfect, I have done some messed up stuff in the past. I give you that.  And I own up to it.  BUT, I have been working hard on myself and my mental illnesses and I guess that just wasn't enough.

During this time I have really gone back to my faith.  I started back into Church.  And I am finally feeling more at peace with myself and this whole messed up situation.  I have been doing a ton of praying and I have come to this realization....

My daddy has always told me growing up that God will never put us through more then we can handle.  I am sure many of y'all have heard this same passage.  Forever I have always wondered if this is true.  I have been through soooo much in the past 39 years.  So much.  But, I have found comfort in my Heavenly Father.  Ive prayed and prayed and I just figure there is something soooo  much better out there for me. And no, I am not talking about a man, I am talking about continuing to better myself. My New Yrs Resolution was to become a better person, mentally, physically and spiritually.  I have lost 40lbs.  I am on a medicine cocktail now that honestly seems to help AND now.......I am drawing closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father.  I feel this is his way of making me better spiritually and that will lead to me being happier and healthier!

Sometimes the negativity and people that hold you back or bring you down need to be removed from our lives.  I know its hard and I know it isn't better over night, but, if you turn to our Heavenly Father....he will comfort you.  Have faith and trust in him that he has a better plan for you.  Start living life for yourself & God and no one else(unless u have kids)

If you are going through anything like this, just know.....

Have a blessed day!

Hey Yall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, have you missed me??  I hope so!!!!  lol Anyways, so much is going on right now.......I HAVE to write somewhere before I go even more insane then I already am!!!!!!

First off, I did my nails today!!!!  I am sooooooo ready for Spring!

Aren't they adorable????  I am just thankful I was actually able to take a min and get them done......I am not sure how I am feeling about these jamberrys yet.  I have a blog coming soon about that!! (promise)

Anyhow, now to write......

OK, as many of my readers know about me as of now is that I am Bipolar.  Yea, It sucks and yes, I am 37 years old and still learning how to cope with it and it is hard.  Always a battle. And I always hate it when it affects my relationships!!! especially with my daughter!!!! (or any of my family)

When your bipolar, a schedule is a MUST!!! At least for me it is????  I need some bipolar friends to talk to sometimes.....smh!  Anyhow, my daughter and my grandson moved in with my bf, son and myself back in November.  Am I thankful.....YES, is it hard on me??? HECK YES!!!  Anyhow, November to Feb I have been adjusting to having her here and also adjusting to a toddler running around and always into something.  I have had to adjust to more laundry, but that's OK too. I am thankful we have clothes too wash.....lol  I have had to adjust to toys everywhere, but that's OK because at least he has toys.  Y'all get what I am saying, right??  I mean, Yes......all of it is an adjustment and yes it is harder on me, but I manage to get through it.

*disclaimer* y'all, I started this blog a couple of weeks ago!!!! And I am just now back on the draft!!  Another downfall to being bipolar.  I don't have the attention span I need to finish things!!!!

Anyhow, as I was saying, things are just 100x's worse on me then it is on someone without being bipolar!!!  And the hardest thing to do is to explain to someone who is aka "normal".  norms just don't get it!!!!  I have found that writing to y'all does help, I just have to finish what I start!!!

Guess what......so they changed my daughters schedule!! Found this out this week.  Her new schedule consist of me keeping my grandson from about 2 pm until 10 am the following morning!!!  So, more adjusting!!! BUT!!  My daughter and I are doing better, I just hate when I get moody and she don't understand and she gets attitude back and all......just causes more stress but, I am trying to be patient and continue to pray and get through all this!!!!  I am thankful that my daughter was blessed with this job since she is mom & dad for my grandson and I promise I am gonna continue to help her achieve her dreams......even if it is hell on me!!  Isn't that what moms do???  I mean, my mom wasn't there for me, other things had her attention(RIP).  I always said that is something I will always be for my kids.....there for them!!!!  That's only what is right!!! right???

Thanks for letting me vent!!!! I know it is all over the place(thanks to being manic) but it does help me cope and get through things!!!!

I hope all of you are doing good and as always #stayblessed

MUAHS!

overwhelmed

Hey you guys!!  I am so sorry I haven't posted in a min, but......with all of my mental issues I have been really overwhelmed.  Like, Its not a bad reason I am overwhelmed, just a major change in my family's schedule.

My daughter found her a job! Yay!! She moved back in with us back around Thanksgiving, which has been an adjustment for me in itself.  I am not used to having a toddler running around!  lol  and now that my daughter is working, I have him from 2-10....so, I haven't had time to write!!  And it sucks cause I have so many cute pictures to share and a few other things!!  I usually do it before bed....which, lately......I'm lucky I get covered up before I am out!!

Starting tomorrow, I am gonna squeeze a blog in the morning!!  I am "lucky" enough to get about 2 hrs in the morning to myself.  I have from 5-6:15 completely alone!!  I always try and use this time to do scripture study and prayer. I ALWAYS pray!!!! BUT, I have been trying to become more consistent with my scripture study!!  I then have 6:15-7:20 with my son up getting ready for school, so, I am gonna start squeezing my writing time in there!!

I just hope you guys stay patient with me while I try and adjust to all this new stuff going on!!  I know with my bipolar, a schedule is sooo important!!  I have noticed over the years that when I am not on a schedule I tend to get totally overwhelmed which usually triggers insomnia(worse then I already have) and a manic state for me!!  I will have a new schedule hopefully within the next week or so. So, if you pray, please remember me as I try and adjust to all of this new stuff!!

COMING SOON!!!!

my grandson is growing up

modeling his new clothes 

early morning cuddles

party over hhheeerrrrreeeeeee

dressing himself

isn't he the cutest??!!

Muahs & Stay Blessed

Friday 13th; Valentines;life

Good morning beautifuls!!! How are y'all today!??  Guess what day it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol!  Today is Friday!! yay!!!! Oh......wait.......its Friday 13th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO!!!  But guess what? that's fine by me cause it is honestly to cold to get out and about today!!!  Let me check my weather app real fast.....so, here in Ga right now it is 31 but real feel is 26!! Yeah, I'm beyond good! lol  I am pretty superstitious though.  I don't like Friday the 13th.  I am the type that something bad will happen.....

Its also Valentines Day Eve!!!  who is ready for that???  (not me)  I was hoping it would be special this year, but, don't look like it.  Everyone is on Facebook already posting there pics of flowers, surprises, you know.....all that good crap....lol  I guess you can say "love is in the air"

So, too all of y'all celebrating Vday..........

and to those of you not celebrating............

So, how was y'all's week??  Mine was busy,  I had to go get my daughters birth certificate so we could replace her lost license.  DMV is always fun to deal with.  BUT, when we went.....NO ONE was even there!!!  What????  Yay.

You know.  I wanna talk a little about something that has been on my heart and my best friend said something to me that just has stuck.  Have you ever been at a point in your life where it seems nothing was going the way it should,  Or that bad things seem to always happen to you???  I know I have!!  I go through this a ton in my everyday life.  I get down on myself from time to time.   Like, I think......what am I doing wrong??  Am I bad person cause it seems bad things always happen to me??  you know the question everyone asks! "why do bad things happen to good people?"

When your going through a rough patch, or if it seems that nothing is going right, we need to be humble......we have to remember someone is going through something way worse!!!  My best friend has been going through a time right now.  Her mom was living with her and up and left her high and dry!!  My friend thought Monday that she was not gonna have a place to live or anything.  Also, now that her mom is gone she doesn't have a reliable way back and forth to work.  Y'all, this is my best friend and her son going through this and I was with her the whole time.  Trying to help and offer the support she needed.  Me?? With my bipolar and everything would have just lost it!!!  She did so good and stayed so strong regardless of the situation.  Anyhow, we got to talking and I was telling here how sorry I was that she was going through such a hard time and i didn't understand how a single mom, who works her butt off was going through this and we couldn't find her a place and everything else. what she said to me really hit home and made so much since.......and I cant believe I never thought of it this way.......she said, "the devil is working against me" that's why!!  you know, if I'm late for Church.....or don't go for a reason, I always recognize that the devil is really trying to keep me from church, or I always know that when its a spiritual matter.  u know???

But, my friend was right!  I mean, think about it........ Doesn't it always seem the dirty, sneaky, no good people always have the best, or find ways to get things.  wanna know why?? Cause!!! They are living that life that the adversary loves!!!!! lying, stealing, cheating, ect!  Those of us who try and lead a spiritual life.....hard working......big hearts.....always putting others before ourselves, ect......the adversary does all he can to bring us down!!  He doesn't want us to succeed and do well for ourselves.

I guess what I am trying to say is this.......

If you are reading this and going through something........anything that may be trying to bring you down.........remember........fix your crown sweetheart, your a daughter of royalty.......know your worth, pray, keep your head up, keep your faith, and most importantly.....endure until the end!!  You are all sons and daughters to our Heavenly Father.  I know through prayer and faith our Heavenly Father will supply all your needs(Phill 4:19) And you will be rewarded in the end.  It isn't always the easy path for us Christians, but, we do become stronger with every little thing we go through and we are even more thankful when we are blessed.
(another thing I believe the more we go through, the stronger we are.  Heavenly Father would not......NOT.....but more on you then you can handle......so, if your going through a ton of stuff, take it as a compliment!!! Heavenly Father knows you can handle it!)

I really hope my blog today has touched someone and maybe even helped!!  My friend???  well, it worked out for the moment.  She has a roof over her head, Heavenly Father really looked out for her(not without testing her faith though) and he has provided for her.

I love y'all and I pray for all of my readers every single day.

Stay blessed and continue to endure until the end!!!!

muahs!

unexpected blessings

we all love surprises! right?? but.... wanna know what i love more then that??!! unexpected blessings!! when i pray, i usually don't ever ask for anything materialistic. or, at least i try not to.

you see,
i love to bake.
i love that my kids enjoy helping me
i love the smells
i love the memories

Thanksgiving is next week and Christmas not far behind it and that means baking will be in full swing!!

so, you can only imagine how upset i got when our oven went out like 2 months ago! it's been rough. FHE's have been very limited on the treats we could have been baking AND what was i gonna do about the holidays?? i got so stressed that i just started freaking out about it. we've been using the toaster oven just because we didn't have the extra money to buy a new stove right now. and honestly, haven't thought about it(i guess i was just getting used to the toaster oven.)

this morning one of our friends showed up and guess what??!! he had us a nice used(but new to us) stove!! with a working oven!!! and told us it was a Christmas present!! now, tell me that wasn't right on time!?

Heavenly Father knows our hearts and he knows our needs. I'm thankful that i have a Heavenly Father that loves me and provides for me, even when i don't ask!

now time to get baking!
muahs!

there are still good people out there!!

Just an update on my stolen purse. I got a phone call yesterday and someone found my wallet thing!!! It was thrown into a creek about 2 miles from where it was stolen. The purse is still missing and so is my debit card, but I got my license, birth certificate, and all my kids info back!!

How's the weather where you're at? I live a lil south of Atlanta and at 4pm the wind chill is 34 degrees!!brrrrrr, are you ready for winter??
Muahs

remember to lock your car doors

Yup, I reckon it's that time of year. With holidays quickly approaching, I want you to remember a few things.
•park in well lit parking lots.
• don't carry tons of cash
• and lord knows DO NOT leave your purse in your car/truck!!!!
Yea, I know.... Common sense, right?? It is until you and your daughter are running late and the baby needs baby wipes!
We stopped at our local grocery store a little after 5 yesterday. All we were grabbing was the wipes so, I grabbed the debit card and pushed my purse behind the seat and car seat. (we were in the ranger, so.... Wasn't like it was just sitting in a back seat... It was slightly hid.
Anyhow, 5 mins!! Ran in, grabbed wipes, checked out with no wait, got in the truck and made it to our destination.
Well, I reached back to grab my purse to stick the debit card in it and it was GONE!! I started freaking! Called my daughter to make sure she hadn't grabbed it. Pulled over searching 🔍 the truck, and it was really gone. At this point I'm freaking out!!
I really don't understand why or how people can steal from other people?? Luckily, they didn't get alot of money, but, they did get ALL my info. My birth certificate,I.d., kids info, and all my other cards. So, this morning I've got to go up to the store and view the tape and make a police report. I'm really paying they decided since it had nothing they could use that they just dumped it somewhere!!
Anyhow, I'm trying not to let this get me down, but, that is really hard. So, if you pray.... Maybe mention me??

My dinner date. Trying to forget about what happened for a moment.

Bargain finder!

Y'all know I'm all about finding deals and stuff!! Do you have a dollar general?? Well, for the next 2 days they have select apparel and socks for 50% off!! I found me some warm, cozy, fuzzy PJ's and warm, fuzzy socks!!

PJ's originally 8.00 got em for 4.00
Socks originally 3.00 and I got em for 1.50 for 2 pair
I'm glad I found these cause, I do believe winter is upon us here in Georgia 😒
Til later!
Muahs

my blog triggered me???

Wow, never thought my blog could be a trigger. This sucks, I'm really feeling it....100!!
I just tried to write a blog about my mom and my childhood. I can honestly say I HATE reliving my childhood 😒 anyhow, I wrote for about an hour and then my phone died! What? Really?? So, my day has been just bad so far. I've been easily annoyed by little things,I got manic as heck.... Lets just say, I cleaned my whole house top to bottom in less then an hr. I'm just now sitting down and trying to compose myself.
I promise I'll redo that blog about why I am the way I am soon. Just, not at this time, please bear with me.......
I don't take meds, so, I cope the best I can on my own....
And please don't judge me. I hate living like a zombie and when I was on my meds...i gained so much weight and it wasn't healthy.
So, until later
Muahs!

sometimes i don't understand

Yall...... This is something that happened that really hurt my heart ❤
You see, when my daughter got pregnant, Karsyn's dad....aka "sperm donor" stopped coming around. Surprise surprise.... Lol

My daughter's cute baby bump
I guess being a parent, who would lose my life for my children, I just don't understand it??

He wasn't there for his birth and he has only seen this sweet baby maybe 3 times since he has been born!?

Karsyn's 1st bday
No call nothing
The thing that just broke my heart was this...
The other day my daughter, karsyn, and myself went to pay my cell phone bill. As we were going in, Karsyn's sperm donor was coming out. He didn't acknowledge Karsyn or speak. I made the comment "so, your not gonna speak to your son?
Can you believe this butt kept going??!! I mean, how can you do that to such a sweet baby!!?? He didn't ask to be here and he has done nothing wrong to deserve to be treated that way!!!!!
So, to all the single moms out there, I salute you!!

Ya'll really have some big shoes to fill. Just remember, never give up and know I pray for every single one of yall every day! And if you fall....

Get right back up and keep going......

service

Now, think about it. I'm a disabled mother to three kids. I hate to ask for help when I need it. Ya know? But, things always work out somehow. So, Monday.... After running around all day and paying bills I was drained!! !! So, when I got a text from a friend of mine asking if I could use the truck and help her move....i was like ugh! I'll do anything for my friends! But, we ask get tired. Ya know?? Well, I remembered something I read from www.mormon.org

Helping Others

"When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." Mosiah 2:17




We Can All Help


Calling yourself a Christian brings with it the duty and the privilege of a lifetime of service.

Jesus Christ said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). This doesn't mean we have to die to show our love for our friends. We lay down our lives every time we put someone else's needs before our own. (And the "friends" mentioned in the scripture above can be understood to be everyone we meet, since Jesus also commanded us to "love one another.")

We lay down our lives through service. Church members have many opportunities to serve. We can do small acts of kindness for our neighbors, take part in community service, fulfill responsibilities within our local congregations or contribute to the Church's large-scale humanitarian efforts. These actions, whether great or small, let us feel the happiness of connecting with our brothers and sisters and remind us that God often allows us to be the answer to someone else’s prayers.

Every morning when I pray, I ask Heavenly Father to allow me to help bless someone somehow.... So, guess what?? Even though I was tired.... My prayers were answered so, I went and helped. I can honestly say I am glad I did. Not only was I able to help my friend in need.... We got to laugh and spend time together as well.

So, remember to help others when you can. I know that's what we are supposed to do and you will be blessed in the long run!
Muaha!👄