Life & Breakups

So, How have y'all been??!!  Its been such a long time!  huh?  Well, I have a ton of stuff going on in my life now and I figured why not blog???  Right!?

Anyhow, here is the reason why I feel the need to blog.....Ive always wrote blogs to help others who maybe going through things similar to me and hopefully it'll help someone else.  I always tend to write about my mental illness, my faith, and just life in general.  I am praying that this post will help me as well....you know, help clear my mind and maybe even get some insight from some others who maybe going through this as well.

So, 2 1/2 weeks ago, my son's father, my bf of the last 15 years has ended it with me......

Yea, that's exactly what I was thinking......This has been a really hard time for me.....If y'all have read my previous blogs, I am sure i have mentioned a list of mental issues I have, but if you don't know.....here is a list...

• bipolar disorder
• PTSD
• Borderline personality
• Adjustment disorder
• schezo
• social anxiety

So, you can only imagine how this has been going for me.

Week:1

 I was angry, sad, confused, scared, everything! Just a total wreck!!  I haven't had to work in like 8 years, to now.....I HAVE to work to get a place for my son and myself.  On top of that....its sooooo lonely! Especially if you have no friends and things because your focus has been on him for years!! And not on yourself. I constantly wanted to fight with him......just to have a conversation with him and stuff.  BUT, things are getting a little easier to deal with.

Week 2:

Getting easier.....I have finally just left him alone.  Which, when u still live under the same roof it is very hard!!  I finally told him I have no fight left in me.  I was soooo tired! Physically and mentally.  (the reason I am still in his house is because I have no where else to go and I just started working and its gonna take money to move) Anyhow.......I'm done. I am tired of questioning why I was not good enough.  Because, I am GOOD.  and if he didn't see that, well, his loss.  And I am FAR from perfect, I have done some messed up stuff in the past. I give you that.  And I own up to it.  BUT, I have been working hard on myself and my mental illnesses and I guess that just wasn't enough.

During this time I have really gone back to my faith.  I started back into Church.  And I am finally feeling more at peace with myself and this whole messed up situation.  I have been doing a ton of praying and I have come to this realization....

My daddy has always told me growing up that God will never put us through more then we can handle.  I am sure many of y'all have heard this same passage.  Forever I have always wondered if this is true.  I have been through soooo much in the past 39 years.  So much.  But, I have found comfort in my Heavenly Father.  Ive prayed and prayed and I just figure there is something soooo  much better out there for me. And no, I am not talking about a man, I am talking about continuing to better myself. My New Yrs Resolution was to become a better person, mentally, physically and spiritually.  I have lost 40lbs.  I am on a medicine cocktail now that honestly seems to help AND now.......I am drawing closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father.  I feel this is his way of making me better spiritually and that will lead to me being happier and healthier!

Sometimes the negativity and people that hold you back or bring you down need to be removed from our lives.  I know its hard and I know it isn't better over night, but, if you turn to our Heavenly Father....he will comfort you.  Have faith and trust in him that he has a better plan for you.  Start living life for yourself & God and no one else(unless u have kids)

If you are going through anything like this, just know.....

Have a blessed day!

I don't get it.........so much hatred????

*disclaimer* this is ,y personal opinion and thoughts! please, DO NOT judge others due to what I think!!!!!

I really just wanna blog my thoughts right now.....at this moment.  Sorry y'all, no beauty tips.....or unboxing right now. just me thinking and feeling like writing.

So, I wrote a blog earlier about going through hard times.....you know. how the adversary will mess with you and Heavenly Father will take care of you, you know......nothing to serious.  Well, I got a tweet from someone that was slightly rude.

I am Mormon(EEEEEKKKKKKK!!!  OH NO), I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints.  I am very proud of that!  I am proud of my religion and my beliefs! It really breaks my heart just how rude some people can be!!!!  I guess my thing is this, if you don't like what we believe, or don't believe what we believe, that's just fine and dandy!!!That is your right!! We have a thing called freedom of religion!!   So, you don't have to be ugly or rude about it.  I have plenty of friends that are baptist, Pentecostal, non believers, even Jehovah witnesses as friends!! And you know what we do????  We talk to each other!! I always share my beliefs..but...I would never try and make someone believe what I do.....Just share what I know. And pray for each of my friends.  I would NEVER tell someone they are going to hell for what they believe!!  (not my place)

Some people who are "Christians"  say some really hateful things.  I honestly don't believe that is how my savior acted while he was here on earth!!!  And I don't think it is any of our places to tell anyone they are going to hell!!! That is Heavenly Father's decision to make.  We do NOT know someones personal relationship with God!!  AND......people do sin, we ALL sin!!!! no one is perfect!  thankfully through the atonement I can be forgiven and so can u!!!

it is impossible to put into words the full meaning of the Atonement, which is the most important and most transcendent event in the history of the world. Through His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, the Savior atoned for our sins. This is the good news for all people!
 to read more, go here


Don't most religions believe that Christ was sent here to die for our sins so we can be saved and have everlasting life!! (john 3:16) So, If I believe that as well as the baptist that lives across the street, what makes me bad?  Also, So many people bring up JS and polygamy......really y'all!!??  That was way back when!!  I don't have sister wives!!  Heck, I'm not even married!!  I also read last night that JS was a pedophile because he married 14 yr old girls!!  Come on y'all!!!  My grandparents were married that young!!  That's how things were back then!!  Just like my grandparents legit were married until death do they part!!  Not many people can say that now.  Divorce rate is at the highest!! Heck, people don't even take marriage so seriously anymore.  Times change......people change.  That doesn't mean every Mormon has multiple wives, we don't dance with snakes. I really think instead of all the hate and judgement, why not us all work together and reach out to people who have no idea who Christ or our Heavenly Father are! People who don't know the plan of salvation.....lets work together to bring people closer to Christ and our Heavenly Father!!  Not push people or scare people away!!  This world needs more love and humility, not hate and judgement!!  None of us are perfect and I know I will NEVER be!! BUT, I will strive to be the best person I can be!  And that includes loving everyone no matter their background, race, sexuality, or religion!!!

Religion and faith are things that people have to find, research, study, pray about on their own.  Its never forced on any of us.  Your gonna believe what you feel in your heart is right.

I'm really sorry y'all.  I guess I am a big hearted person who thinks all the hate should stop!! If you don't like our religion(or if you're prejudice to anything) .......then don't search up #Mormon.  I feel like that is what some people sit around and do!!  If your one of those people, I am sorry.  I may be Mormon, but, I am also a good hearted mom, daughter, and grandma who loves music, makeup, fashion, my family, my american bulldog. sometimes a cup of coffee( I am human), puts one heel on at a time, southern bell preachers daughter!!!!

so.......

Because in the end, what it all boils down to is respect!!!! If u want others to respect you you have to first give respect!!  Just something to think about!!!

Good Night!!!
Muahs!