Life & Breakups

So, How have y'all been??!!  Its been such a long time!  huh?  Well, I have a ton of stuff going on in my life now and I figured why not blog???  Right!?

Anyhow, here is the reason why I feel the need to blog.....Ive always wrote blogs to help others who maybe going through things similar to me and hopefully it'll help someone else.  I always tend to write about my mental illness, my faith, and just life in general.  I am praying that this post will help me as well....you know, help clear my mind and maybe even get some insight from some others who maybe going through this as well.

So, 2 1/2 weeks ago, my son's father, my bf of the last 15 years has ended it with me......

Yea, that's exactly what I was thinking......This has been a really hard time for me.....If y'all have read my previous blogs, I am sure i have mentioned a list of mental issues I have, but if you don't know.....here is a list...

• bipolar disorder
• PTSD
• Borderline personality
• Adjustment disorder
• schezo
• social anxiety

So, you can only imagine how this has been going for me.

Week:1

 I was angry, sad, confused, scared, everything! Just a total wreck!!  I haven't had to work in like 8 years, to now.....I HAVE to work to get a place for my son and myself.  On top of that....its sooooo lonely! Especially if you have no friends and things because your focus has been on him for years!! And not on yourself. I constantly wanted to fight with him......just to have a conversation with him and stuff.  BUT, things are getting a little easier to deal with.

Week 2:

Getting easier.....I have finally just left him alone.  Which, when u still live under the same roof it is very hard!!  I finally told him I have no fight left in me.  I was soooo tired! Physically and mentally.  (the reason I am still in his house is because I have no where else to go and I just started working and its gonna take money to move) Anyhow.......I'm done. I am tired of questioning why I was not good enough.  Because, I am GOOD.  and if he didn't see that, well, his loss.  And I am FAR from perfect, I have done some messed up stuff in the past. I give you that.  And I own up to it.  BUT, I have been working hard on myself and my mental illnesses and I guess that just wasn't enough.

During this time I have really gone back to my faith.  I started back into Church.  And I am finally feeling more at peace with myself and this whole messed up situation.  I have been doing a ton of praying and I have come to this realization....

My daddy has always told me growing up that God will never put us through more then we can handle.  I am sure many of y'all have heard this same passage.  Forever I have always wondered if this is true.  I have been through soooo much in the past 39 years.  So much.  But, I have found comfort in my Heavenly Father.  Ive prayed and prayed and I just figure there is something soooo  much better out there for me. And no, I am not talking about a man, I am talking about continuing to better myself. My New Yrs Resolution was to become a better person, mentally, physically and spiritually.  I have lost 40lbs.  I am on a medicine cocktail now that honestly seems to help AND now.......I am drawing closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father.  I feel this is his way of making me better spiritually and that will lead to me being happier and healthier!

Sometimes the negativity and people that hold you back or bring you down need to be removed from our lives.  I know its hard and I know it isn't better over night, but, if you turn to our Heavenly Father....he will comfort you.  Have faith and trust in him that he has a better plan for you.  Start living life for yourself & God and no one else(unless u have kids)

If you are going through anything like this, just know.....

Have a blessed day!

#SubscriptionBoxSaturday BB5 Feb 2015

Good Morning Beauties!!!  Guess what!!??  I got a #SubscriptionboxSaturday for ya!!!  what a plus to go out and check the mail today and have my #BeautyBox5 waiting for me!!???

My grandson was super excited about the "snakes" this month!!! (that's what he calls the little paper strip thingies lol)  They were a cute color combo of a pink and a teal color!!  Way more festive then the usual black!

"When it comes to our year, February might just take the cake- literally.  This month were turning 3- yippee!- and we couldn't have done it without you, dear subscriber.  So, how to celebrate our birthday?  Marvelous makeup and superb skincare, of course!  Were so happy you joined the party~ now, throw some confetti and dig in!"

To go get yours......just click here!

The first thing this month, which is a full size: Marsk Mineral eyeshadow in vanilla frosting

Retail: $22.50 0.04oz

















We couldn't ship actual birthday cake, but how about some frosting?  Treat yourself to this iridescent mineral eye shadow! BB5 Tip: With subtle sparkle. it can also double as a soft highlighter #marsk

My thought??  I can always use a good highlighter.  Unfortunately I couldn't figure out how to get it open for a decent swatch!!  I am so sorry!! As soon as I get into it, Ill update and add a picture!!  I honestly don't think I would pay 23.00 for this tiny little pod thingie though,,,,,,,,

next: Revlon Colorstay nail enamel | Retail: 3.99 0.4 fl oz

This was also a full size product!!!
Stand out at any soiree and balance the confetti with a bold nail!  These supersaturated hues have our hearts when it comes to a one-coat coverage and longlasting wear.  I got the color velvet rope

I don't mind this at all! I love anything nail related!!  I haven't tested this color yet but will real soon!!  I am really happy with this!!

3rd thing is Absolute New York Absolute Love Lip Balm | Retail $5.00 0.42 oz

 






There's so many reasons to cheer for this party ready balm!  Major moisture?? Check!  Sweet scent??  Check!!  A tiny amount of tint??  Check!!  Cute in your clutch??  check!!  #absoluteny

Once again y'all!!!  This is also a full size!!!!! What what??!!  I got this in bubble gum.  I have to say, this smells just like it!!!!  The description says it has a hint of color.........

I don't know if I really agree with that!!  Maybe just bad lighting on my swatch??

now lets do my....

least favorite thing......

GlamGlow Youthmud Tinglexfoliate Treatment | Retail: $69.00 1.7 oz

After a long celebration, your skin needs some TLC!  Apply this anti-aging mask for 10 mins (it tingles while its working!)  then rinse off in  circular motions- it doubles as an exfoliant!  #glamglow

Ok, first off.......FOIL PACK!!!!  I HATE these things!!!  And not only that, how am I gonna know if I like something after using it only one time???   uhhhhhhh, No! Im good!! thanks anyways!!!

wanna know my fave????

Avon Big Color Eye Pencil | retail $3.49 0.056 oz

Spend less time getting ready and more time gertting down with these pretties- just glide and go! BB5 Tip: For color that lasts all night, layer over a powder or primer!!! #avon

I am not an avon girl!!! But, I have to say I got some avon lotion for Christmas and now I have 3!!  I am super excited to try this!!  This was also another full size item!!! I got the color, well, shoot!!  I cant find the name!!  But, it looks like it will be a great inner corner and brow bone highlighter!!!

We also got a BB5 Bonus

$20.00 Gift card for #yourminerals

All in all I am pretty happy with this months box!!  I mean, 4 outta 5 items were full size this month!!  I cant wait to try some of it out and maybe review it for y'all!!!!  Now its time to get back to my sweet hearts!! I hope y'all have a perfect Valentines Day!!!!

From me to you!!!!!!

Muahs!!

Manic Monday!!!!! anything goes!!

Hey Y'all!! I know, I know, once again........looooooonnnnggggg time!!! NO MORE!! I really swear. lol  How have my lovely beauties been??  I pray y'all have been doing just fine!!! 

So, #manicmonday!!!!??  Y'all know that means I am free to right about anything and in any order that I want!! This is my day to release anything that may be on my mind at any given time hahahaha!!

First thing first.......

                                                                       RIP Punk!!!!!

Punk was my kids paw paw on their dads side.  My ex-husbands dad.  This man right here.......y'all!!  I love this man like he is my own dad!!  I went through so much with this family but this man right here NEVER once judged me or treated me any differently no matter what me and his son were going through!!  He loved everybody and was a typical southern preacher.  He knew what our purpose in life was and his goal was to save anyone or anything he ever came into contact with!!  I have shared his birthday with him for the last 20 years and I am honestly gonna hate not being able to call him and cut up with him and tell him happy birthday anymore, which breaks my heart.  I do know he is home with our Heavenly Father and I know he is gonna be missed by so many!  I just hope my kids know that they have a lot of their paw paws ways and he will continue to live on....through them!



punk(right) and his brother Pete

 

Next, I finally got me a new laptop so I can continue my blog!!  It is the cutest little thing ever!!  I am glad I found this.  I have been looking, trying to find a laptop that I like for a decent price.  I really hate making such large purchases!  Many of the little laptops I have found like the chromebooks and netbooks, have NO memory!! And I am a picture taker!! I need memory!!  lol  I found the HP stream notebook. 
The price? 210.00 after taxes
The memory? 2gb

The memory scares me but, it does come with 1gb with the cloud!!  It also has a place for jump drives and a SD card.  I pray memory will not be too big of a problem!  I also have my ICloud synced with the laptop, so, that's more memory right there!!  It has a webcam.......its really LOUD!! AND super cute!!!  So far I am delightfully surprised!

 

 

My final topic tonight is family, mainly siblings!  Y'all know I have already told u about my grandsons "sperm donor" and how he acted towards his son not to long back, right? Well, we ran into his other babies mommas tonight at Walmart!  These girls were the sweetest and guess what??  Just like Karsyn, these kids do not know their "sperm donor" either!!!!  We did decided to set up a play date because just because their dad isn't around, doesn't mean they don't have anyone.  I mean, in the long run, they will know each either and they will be able to help each other when needed!!  It really bothers me though because not one of these kids asked to be here and I don't think it is right that they have to suffer!!  so.......ladies with kids and your baby daddy has other kids by other women, please! Put your differences aside and let these kids know their siblings!! Cause y'all know what??  I know I am getting old and when I die.....guess who my kids will have???? each other!!!  And after seeing punks family this week at the funeral, I see how important siblings are and how one day, that's gonna be all we have. 



 

 

well, I hope my rambling didnt bother u too bad lol!! Tomorrow?? #terrifictuesday

 

muahs!!!!

 



i guess I'm a pluviophile....

i absolutely love the rain!!! especially living in GA.

now, i understand many of you are saying....

"UGH, i just HATE rain!! what are you talking about?"

i get it!! i really do! i mean, there is nothing "fun" about
•mud
•commute
• frizzy hair
• flooding
• cabin fever
but, you have to look past all the faults!
rain in all seasons are great.....

* spring rain*

~just makes me feel peaceful.
~everything is new and the rain helps all the flowers bloom.
~the birds seem to sing a little louder
~with your windows up, napping while listening to the rain on your roof

*summer rain*

~brings out my inner child
~watching a storm roll in
~lightning at night
~playing in the rain
~jumping in puddles
~playing at the park
~the smell of rain on hot asphalt

* fall rain*

~ warm pjs
~ fuzzy socks
~ Netflix marathons
~ family
~ baking
~ soft blankies
~ wet colorful leaves
~ fires
~ comfort food

which explains our perfect, lazy, rainy Sunday. we watched movies and stayed in our pjs all day!!! my grandson watched "elf" with us and actually seemed to enjoy it!! for dinner we made Brunswick stew and baked pumpkin pie!!
it def was the perfect Sunday

* winter rain*

~SNOW!

do y'all like the rain? or nawl?
muahs

are we raising a gen of helpless kids?

So, I read an article yesterday on Huffington post that really got me thinking and made me even step back and reanalyze my parenting a little......

But why have parents shifted from teaching self-reliance to becoming hovering helicopter parents who want to protect their children at all costs?

"I think it began in the fall of 1982, when seven people died after taking extra-strength Tylenol laced with poison after it left the factory," he says. Halloween was just around the corner, and parents began checking every item in the loot bags. Homemade brownies and cookies (usually the most coveted items) hit the garbage; unwrapped candy followed close behind.

That led to an obsession with their children's safety in every aspect of their lives. Instead of letting them go outside to play, parents filled their kid's spare time with organized activities, did their homework for them, resolved their conflicts at school with both friends and teachers, and handed out trophies for just showing up.

"These well-intentioned messages of 'you're special' have come back to haunt us," Elmore says. "We are consumed with protecting them instead of preparing them for the future. We haven't let them fall, fail and fear. The problem is that if they don't take risks early on like climbing the monkey bars and possibly falling off, they are fearful of every new endeavor at age 29."

Psychologists and psychiatrists are seeing more and more young people having a quarter-life crisis and more cases of clinical depression. The reason? Young people tell them it's because they haven't yet made their first million or found the perfect mate.

Teachers, coaches and executives complain that Gen Y kids have short attention spans and rely on external, instead of internal motivation. The goal of Growing Leaders is to reverse the trend and help young people become more creative and self-motivated so they can rely on themselves and don't need external motivation.

What??? Wow, never in a million years. So, here is what I've concluded, it's time to go back to the good ole days! I never was inside, I remember as a little girl.... My parents MADE me stay outside!! Until dark!! Lol but, you know what? I had an imagination....i learned to be independent....i learned problem solving skills because my parents would always tell us to"figure it out"
Kids now days, idk, but....i know my son, sometimes, if he wasn't on his game it was "im soooo bored"
I honestly just told my son the other day I remember playing in the driveway with a bunch of hot wheels. We drew roads in the dirt and made different buildings out of rocks.
So, lets forget the norm.... Let your children be children. Don't be afraid to let them get dirty...
That dirt your child just ate, it's not gonna kill em
That scraped knee, it don't need stitches
Let your kid be a kid and be there if they need lifting up. Prepare them for the future.... Don't protect em from it.

Yea, he is playing with sticks! Lol

Just running!!

I do believe that smile says it all 😍
Muahs (read full article here)
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1249706

my blog triggered me???

Wow, never thought my blog could be a trigger. This sucks, I'm really feeling it....100!!
I just tried to write a blog about my mom and my childhood. I can honestly say I HATE reliving my childhood 😒 anyhow, I wrote for about an hour and then my phone died! What? Really?? So, my day has been just bad so far. I've been easily annoyed by little things,I got manic as heck.... Lets just say, I cleaned my whole house top to bottom in less then an hr. I'm just now sitting down and trying to compose myself.
I promise I'll redo that blog about why I am the way I am soon. Just, not at this time, please bear with me.......
I don't take meds, so, I cope the best I can on my own....
And please don't judge me. I hate living like a zombie and when I was on my meds...i gained so much weight and it wasn't healthy.
So, until later
Muahs!

Terrific (tired) Tuesday

My Tuesday started off really early. I agreed to watch my friends daughter while she worked and my second daughter stayed the night with my daughter.

My 2 daughters and myself

Yea, these two right here were too turnt! I swear they were chocolate wasted!! Lol
Here in Ga right now...... It's fixing to get cold 😒 we have a cold front moving in, but, today was perfect!! Clear skies and in the 70s!!!!! We def took advantage of the beautiful weather. The whole neighborhood is looking fallish(if that is even a word....)

We took Karsyn outside to let him play, he likes to play pretend in the boat... But, everytime d would crank the boat.... My lil boog came right to me and just would hold on to me!!

I really cherish these moments!! He even helped me bake a pumpkin pie 🍰

I love love doing things like this with my kids and grandson....i just want to be close with them and I'm thankful for the fact that I get to spend so much time enjoying my boog!
How's the weather been where you are at??
Muahs!