NEW MEDS UGH

Happy Saturday yall!!  So, I have been pretty sick and I have been going to the dr alot lately.  I dont know if I have mentioned in previous posts, but, I was dx'ed with Bipolar disorder back in 08.  I havent been taking meds for it for a couple of years, just coping.  Learning my triggers.....eating right....exercising.  Doing good, Well, I have been having some really horriable headaches lately.  My dr got me to go have an MRI done and some lab work,  My MRI came back ok, I do have swollen arteries and veins though.

My blood work wasnt the best either.  My cholesterol was high and  my sugar was almost high enough to dx me as diabetic.  :( BUT, instead of putting me on Meds, I am trying to get back into eating right and exercising.  (except the fact that my knee has been popping out for a week now and hurts) So, makes it really hard to exercise.(cardio)  My dr suggested for me to go and see a neurologist.  I went and seen one on Weds.  He actually asked me why I wasnt taking anything for my bipolar disorder.  My reply was, I dont like taking meds....BUT.........

I dont like taking the meds cause I know for a few years I was being put on EVERYTHING!  NOTHING was working right for me.  I was on serequel and, gained 75lbs.... I was on sooooo much stuff and I HATED the way most of this stuff made me feel. I remember geodon, CRACK! I didnt sleep for a week on that crap.  Tegretal, I got this HORRIBLE rash.  I mean, do u blame me for just saying screw it?  Ya know???  Well, this dr said that I need to be taking something for it cause it can contribute to my headaches.

So, "here we go again!"  He perscribed me Lamictal 25mgs.  I started taking them yesterday morning.  I HATE it so far!!!  about an hr after I take it, My heart gets to beating in my throat.....I get jittery and and anxious.  EVERYTIME ive taken it.  I want to stop, i want to just throw it away!!  My daughter keeps telling me to give it at least a week.  And I know it takes these meds a little time to get into your system, and I am really trying to continue it.  Have any of u taken this??  What are ur experiances??? PLEASE give me a advice!!!!!!  Anyhow, I am going to go watch the Ga game.  I just dont understand all these meds and wanted to vent a little. I mean, whats the point in taking this stuff when u feel even more crazy on the meds? Make since?

Have a Blessed Saturday!

Beautiful Sabbath and me vs the adversary....

Good Morning my beautiful Internet friends! How are y'all doing??  I have been working on a couple of blogs and I will be publishing them soon!!  BUT right now I really wanna talk about the adversary and just how much he is working against me......AND how I am retaliating and fighting right back!!! (which, is  NOT easy!)

 I believe I have mentioned my goals recently......anyhow, I am due for my interview to get my patriarchal blessing this weds.......OH NO!!  I am gonna have to change! my son has a football game!! SEE???  that's the stuff I am talking about! Anyhoo,  I have been busting my behind to do what I am supposed to do so I know I am worthy of it!!  One of the main things is to attend Church like I am supposed to, and I have! Has it been easy??? Heck no! Not at all!!!  I am gonna give u an example of how the adversary is soooo working against me.

I went to the Dr on Tues of last week.  My health isn't the best right now(blog to come) and whenever I get into Church, and doing what I am supposed to do, It's like the adversary uses my bipolar and anxiety to work against me.  I have been stretched soooooo far in running errands and being responsible for having everyone to work, practice, Dr's, etc I just don't have time for myself!  My Dr told me to take 30 mins a day for me.  And that doesn't happen. 

I got up yesterday (Sunday) morning at 630am, and my anxiety kicked in  right off the bat!!!  I had to have my daughter to work at 830am which means that my grandson had to get up and get ready for Church with me since I watch him!  All I could think was, Church is the ONLY thing I have that's MINE!  That's the 3 hrs a week I get away and learn and draw closer to my Heavenly Father! (I mean, minus scripture study and daily prayer) But, you get what I am saying!? Right??? Well, I hate when the adversary gets in my head like that!!  And when I feel rushed, it kicks my anxiety through the roof!!  He was playing so hard against me that I even said, "screw it, I'm NOT going!"  BUT, I took a moment and prayed.  I prayed hard too.  I prayed for a calm to come over me, I prayed that Heavenly Father would strengthen me to continue to endure......  and it worked, I had a calm feeling come over me and I said I'm NOT gonna rush, So, I proceeded to get ready and get my grandson ready.   We were running late, but hey......we were getting there!! lol

he cleans up nicely!

OMGosh!! He really reminds me of my youngest when he was little!! Let me see if I can find a pic!! hold on........

This isn't the picture I wanted, I have one of My son in a tie too.  I believe my son was about 4 in his pic and my grandson is only 2.  They don't favor that much in these two, Ill try and find a better one later......Now, where was I? Oh yea, running late to get to Sacrament.........

I love this kid and it is amazing how just saying a prayer can make you feel so much better about life and what is going on at that moment.

my companion and myself

I realized I didn't have much gas :/ lol, Its ALWAYS something.  He really works hard!!!  We made it to Church and I have to tell u, this blows my mind!  My grandson NEVER sits still and during Sacrament he did so well!!  I was able to hear all the talks! I was beyond proud!!  He doesn't go to Church with me.  but, now that his mom is working weekends, I have him.  That's why I was sooo amazed at how well he did!!  

After Sacrament I took him to nursery.  For the simple fact that he doesn't go to daycare nor does he go Church, I thought I would stay with him for a while.  I mean, who wants to make Church a bad experience? I mean, MiMi throws me in this room with a few kids and a teacher and leaves me?  No, I want him to WANT to go to Church with me, I want him to WANT to see his new friends in nursery!!  He was playing, and once again.......he sat in a chair and listened to the teacher!!  I was shocked!!  It makes me wonder if that is the Spirit playing a part??  I wonder??  If anyone knows, or has an idea, let me know!!

Getting to church, notice the mismatched shoes?

see how well he was doing?

I was still in shock

he WAS doing GREAT

Notice the last caption??  WAS??!!  This is where I feel like the adversary started working overtime since I HAD made it to Church.  The Bishop comes to the nursery and ask all the parents to step out so he could speak to us, Yup, that's right......I was asked to leave the room for a min!!  AND HE LOST IT!!  I could hear him just screaming!!  And see? that's what I was trying to avoid.  I go back in the room and there he is, tears streaming down his face, snot and spit bubbles, just a mess!  And of course he didn't wanna leave me after that.  I decided to just take him to SS with me.  Give it a try? Right?  And guess what??  He sat in my lap, I was able to participate in discussion, once again......proud of him, UNTIL.....

"Pee?"  really? I looked down and asked him if he had to Pee and he replied with "Pee...." and then it happened.  Before I could get him up and to the bathroom he peed in my lap!!  He was wet, I was wet, and I had no clothes.  So, I guess I can give the adversary this point!  I just hope he realizes I am going to come back that much harder!!!

In Oct 1987, James E Faust did a talk called "The Great Imitator"  In this talk he said,

I think we will witness increasing evidence of Satan’s power as the kingdom of God grows stronger. I believe Satan’s ever-expanding efforts are some proof of the truthfulness of this work. In the future the opposition will be both more subtle and more open. It will be masked in greater sophistication and cunning, but it will also be more blatant. We will need greater spirituality to perceive all of the forms of evil and greater strength to resist it. But the disappointments and setbacks to the work of God will be temporary, for the work will go forward (see D&C 65:2).

I believe this with all my heart.  And I feel that since he knows I am aware that this is him, trying to keep me from doing what I am supposed to do, that he is throwing cheap shots! Things that physically are hindering me now!  

I guess my whole point of ALL this rambling is this.......

"Be aware.  Hold on to the Iron Rod.  Pray.  Go to Church.  Do FHE.  Pay your tithing.  Do all of the things you're commanded to do.  I know that it is hard! I really do! I go through these battles DAILY! I promise u!  I also know that sometimes we give in to the anger, or the anxiety.  We are only human and that is why we have forgiveness.  I  know our Heavenly Father loves us.  And he is  always with us. Even during the times we feel all alone,  I want u to know to keep your head up!!  Jeep pushing forward!!  NEVER give up! If you slip and fall.....get right back up.  Endure until the end.  And ALWAYS know that some of us are going through similar situations.  And that is why I do my blogs.  Someone, somewhere, may feel a little better knowing they aren't the only ones that have the adversary trying to knock them back.  If you fall into this category(which we all should) Just know I pray for you daily!  I know that we will be blessed for following his commandments.  And sometimes, you might need to be still for a min, and think of the situation.  Our Heavenly Father allows bad things to happen to us to help us gain our testimonies and sometimes to even teach us a lesson!!  Many people say "God will not put on you more then you can handle"  But, if your read in the bible where he speaks of this (I believe it is 1 Chor 10:13), he is talking about temptation.  I read a cool quote that I will close with.

It appears that God will give us more than we can handle so that we will give Him the handle to steer our lives! "

So, I pray this has helped someone, somehow.......or at least made u laugh about me getting peed on!!  I gotta get to sleep, Its 1am and I have to be up at 445!!  Night!

                                                        
Muahs! Stay Blessed!

 

maybe? just sometimes......

Good morning y'all!  I just wanted to let u know that I have a blog I am working on for #thankfulthursday, I am so sorry it hasn't been published yet, but, it's from the heart and I want to make sure it's completely done before I publish.  I don't do a ton of "spiritual" or "religious" post.....I know it is a touchy subject, but......sometimes, its what I need at the moment.  Ya know??  sometimes its just a good way for me to reflect and a good way for my relationship to grow between me and Heavenly Father.  BUT I also know the Spirit works through us in ways that it does help others while it's helping us!!  lol  Funny how everything has a purpose......wouldn't you say!!!??  It is a cold dreary day here in Ga and I am not sure if Ill have anything to do for a #subscriptionboxsaturday (unless my jamberrys come today, fingers crossed!) But, how about a #spiritualsaturday?

*disclaimer*  Anything I post religious, Please.......I don't claim I know everything, nor am I a scholar in any way.  I am not a preacher and I am not trying to convert u into my religion (unless u feel in ur heart that u want to learn more) wink wink.

I just wanna share some of the things I feel and go through as an individual, mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, friend in my everyday life experiences and/or challenges.  Or to maybe look deeper into the mind of someone who deals with multiple mental illnesses on a daily basis?  Dont get me wrong!  This will NOT be my everyday posts!  Ill continue with my usual subscription boxes, beauty, deals, and my adorable grandson......but, once in awhile, maybe this??

Anyhoo, comment......let me know what y'all think!!  Are y'all even interested in it??  I love y'all!!  I'll have a finished post soon! Stay warm and stay blessed!!!!!

my cozy lil set up for my Saturday

Muahs!!!

Fitness Friday!!!!!

Good morning y'all!! It's FITNESS FRIDAY!!!! That's right.....and it seems be my most popular posts since if been doing my blog!! So, are you ready?? Let's get started😝

Today i want to talk a little about fitness and mental health...cool???

Y'all know those never ending cycles that come with life??

Ex: you need a job....but,don't have a vehicle to get back and forth to work; can't get a vehicle cause you need a job to pay for it

Well, you need too exercise to feel better....but whatever illness your dealing with has already  brought you down so, it's hard to motivate yourself. Its a back and forth battle. And yes, i struggle with this too! So, i can really relate.

Exercise releases endorphins, which create feelings of happiness and euphoria. Studies have shown that exercise can even alleviate symptoms among the clinically depressed . For this reason, docs recommend that people suffering from depression or anxiety (or those who are just feeling blue) pencil in plenty of gym time. In some cases, exercise can be just as effective as antidepressant pills in treating depression....
But, when your depressed or other mental illnesses.....it's really a challenge just to make yourself get out and exercise!!

 One of the most common mental benefits of exercise is stress relief. Working up a sweat can help manage physical and mental stress. Exercise also increases concentrations of norepinephrine, a chemical that can moderate the brain’s response to stress

For some, a moderate workout can be the equivalent of a sleeping pill, even for people with insomnia . Moving around five to six hours before bedtime raises the body’s core temperature. When the body temp drops back to normal a few hours later, it signals the body that it’s time to sleep 

This is good to know. I mean.....anyone else out there like me?? When you go to bed and your so tired....then your brain just doesn't shut up!!?? It's one of the most annoying....frustrating things ever. I hate laying in bed watching the clock!  They make for the longest nights of your life!!

Y'all know I've mentioned that i don't take medication for my bipolar disorder(and a few other mental things....yes, i know! I'm legit crazy lol) and when i was going to the gym every day....i felt so much better!!
·I was excited to workout
·I had so much more energy
·I was sleeping at night
·I was managing my anxiety better
·My mood swings decreased

But once i broke my foot last year and wasn't able to workout, my mental health started to decline again. And this week has been especially hard on me.

I know it's hard to get motivated when your down. Or, when you didn't sleep the night before due to the racing thoughts.....but, if you JUST DO IT, and give it at least a week....i promise ya....you will feel better! And you will benefit from it....both physically and mentally!!
You don't have to go to the gym every day....or be Shaun T over night....just try simple ways to start moving...like:
· take a 30 min walk in the evening
·or stand at work instead of sitting
·Park further away at the grocery store
·Take the stairs instead of the elevator
·Fix your yard up
You can do this, and please remember that your not alone.

Update on my weight loss journey:
This week I'm still struggling a little with my eating habits. But, when i eat....it's hasn't been junk. So, I'm proud of that. Now it's time to go for a nice walk and so should you!😉

Muahs!

Melissa aka maduke

adjustment disorder

So....yesterday was not the best day for me. I swear i experienced every emotion!

Along with my bipolar disorder(and many other mental illness i have) another thing i struggle with is adjustment disorder. This really sucks.

An adjustment disorder (AD) occurs when an individual is unable to adjust to or cope with a particular stressor, like a major life event. Since people with this disorder normally have symptoms that depressed people do, such as general loss of interest, feelings of hopelessness and crying, this disorder is sometimes known as situational depression. Unlike major depression the disorder is caused by an outside stressor and generally resolves once the individual is able to adapt to the situation.

Some emotional signs of adjustment disorder are

·Sadness
·Hopelessness
·Lack of enjoyment
·Crying spells
·Nervousness
·Anxiety
·Worry
·Desperation
·Trouble sleeping
·Difficulty concentrating
·Feeling overwhelmed
·thoughts of suicide

Some behavioral signs of AD are

·Fighting
·Reckless driving
·Ignoring important tasks such as bills or homework
·Seeking approval from others by any way possible (cheating/lying/escaping reality)
·Avoiding family or friends
·Performing poorly in school/wk
·Skipping school/wk
·Vandalizing property

When my Dr explained this sickness too me, she said that my body adapts to change, but....it is harder and takes longer for my brain too adjust to change.....which brings me too my day yesterday.

Y'all know my daughter and her son came to visit last month. Well, due too some circumstances....we have decided that her and Karsyn would be moving back in with us. Yay!! Yes.....I'm super excited! I'll get to be with my daughter and grandson all the time!! Anyhow, this move is a great thing! I know this is what my daughter needs so she can start building a life with her son.

The thing i hate most about AD it's how it effects others around you. We live in a small 2 bedroom house with 3 people and 2 dogs(plus a foster/stray) and now I'm having to accommodate for another adult and a toddler. I really don't mind it!! Really!!

Anyhow, yesterday i was cleaning out my son's room, making room to add my daughter's bed and stuff,and it was totally overwhelming!! I swear i cried, screamed, yelled, threw stuff.....bad day all together😣 the worse thing about it is.....i can't control all these emotions and it completely drains me when i have one of those days. On top of that, my daughter made a few comments like she felt like she was taking her brothers room from him(not true....her brother totally understands)  and also she said she felt as though she is imposing.(also not true, d and myself really enjoy having them here)

It really hurts my heart to know my daughter feels like this and i know it's because of my actions😞 but, these are things i can't control.

I feel like I'm really just writing this blog for those of you who have loved ones suffering from this. I'm trying to show you that when things like this happen, it's not us being mad at anyone....it's not us not liking the situation.....it's just us,  and how we cope with change and adjust.  So please, never....NEVER take anything you hear or see to heart....please. it's so hard to have someone who completely understand us and our disorder. D has been with me for 12 years and i still don't even think he truly understands my disabilities or completely gets it. I pray this blog helps my loved ones(and others dealing with this) understand mine(or anyone else's) behavior just a little better.

If you wanna read more about adjustment disorder go here. I really do believe the first step to helping someone is learning and understanding things about their disability.

And with me, when i get this way....it's so frustrating to not be able to control all these emotions, which makes me frustrated and heightens my anxiety. Who else had AD?? What helps y'all cope with change?

And to my daughter who might read this.....i love you! I'm very glad your here....I'm thankful for you....you have always supported me and have always helped me when it comes to my disabilities. Thank you for being understanding most of the time😝 lol

Muahs!