Have u ever......just sat around and wonder what the real purpose in life was? Ugh! I do all of the time and it drives me bananas. I wonder why I chose this life. I mean, other then my children, what am I here for. What am I to do? I am doing the best that I can to raise my children right. To give them the values to have a happy life. It bothers me though for I am not happy. How can I raise my children to be vibrant caring fun loving adults when it is hard for me to do the same? I want what is best for my children and yes, it may sound a little selfish when I speak about my happiness, how I want what is best for me. Was I put here to make a difference in the world? Am I to make some HUGE change in the world? Right now, day in and day out I do nothing but the same. Everyday. I awake every morning, get my son ready for school. We watch cartoons until about 10 mins b4 his bus, then I have to read him the school menu for the day. I put him on the bus with a hug and a kiss, then watch him ride away. that's when my BORING life really begins. I get a cup of coffee, check my email(which never has anything good), check my myspace and myyearbook. Most of the time there is nothing there so....yay me!! I then get up and do laundry and clean the house. same routine everyday. The only thing that changes is the fact that my friend candi may come by. That at least gives me someone to talk to. then I am here....kota gets home from school, we do homework, he plays while I watch some TV. Then I cook dinner, go for my run. When I get back I give kota his bath and tuck him in. And then about 1 hr later....I am also in the bed!!!!!!this is my life EVERYDAY!! I am on the prowl to find change. Something to get me out of this stupid rut that I call life!!!!!!!
With Thanksgiving around the corner i just want to say how thankful i am that I'm not in this dark place no more!
life has so much more meaning now.
•my kids are growing into happy vibrant adults
•i have friends i see on a regular basis
• yes, i do laundry and everyday household chores, but, i enjoy it
• I'm cherishing the time with my grandson
• going to church
• scripture study and prayer daily
i guess my point to this is:
no matter where you are in life, what your going through..... it does get better. this post was from 6 years ago and looking back, i never knew how dark i felt my life was. reading some of this older stuff is shocking to me. i can't believe that suicide was ever an option for me, but it was.
never give up! i know it's so hard, i have been there. but, please.... reach out, get help if needed, and talk!! there are people out there just like you and there are people who have been where you are. never be afraid to reach out and talk to someone.
NEVER GIVE UP!
MUAHS
and no matter what, smile!
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