I am Mormon, or LDS......and something happened the other day that just has really hurt my heart and has really made me feel some type of way!!!! I really need some advice......I need to know if it's normal to feel how I am feeling or is it just my mental illness causing me to just over analyze this issue.
You see..... I LOVE my faith, I love everything about it! But sometimes I don't get the people of the Church. I am a convert to the Church(2007) and I do most of my studying on my own. I feel like if I learn about it on my own and pray about it, I am closer to my Heavenly Father and I tend to comprehend things better. So, that's just how I do things.....that's how I roll...lol I do LOVE going to Sacrament and to my classes as well, but sometimes it just feels awkward. I am NOT perfect, and I know this!! I also know that not everyone in our Church is as perfect as they front either, or can u say "fake" in today's terminology.
In my situation.......I know I probably will never go to the Temple, and sometimes at Church I really feel like people always judge me. And that sucks!! Its very hard to attend Church after your heart gets hurt by the ones you trust within the Church. A couple of years ago some things went down and I'm not going into all that in this blog(maybe at a later time), But, I became inactive. Once you become inactive...it really is hard to get back into going....u know?? Its a BIG step to do it!! Well, I missed Church, honest!!! So, back before I started my blog I began going back. I was doing good too!! I was participating in activities not just on Sunday. And I really feel so good in my heart when I am in Church and I also know I shouldn't NOT go because of others but with my mental illness it just seems harder on me. I do suffer from bipolar, social anxiety, adjustment disorder along with anxiety and many other things. I did really good for about a month until my daughter moved in with my grandson and I had to adjust to all of the changes I was dealing with, so, guess what.....I withdrew from things. (that's just how I cope) Church was one of them.
Before all of this happened I was taking a financial class(which I LOVED and my teacher as well). And I specifically asked who my Home visiting teacher was because I have NEVER had one come or contact me the whole time I have been in my ward!!!!!!!! which is about 6 years now. I know who my VT is, and I love her with all my heart, but, after the last time she came by(about 4 months ago) I haven't heard from her. No phone call.....no email......no Facebook message......nothing??? And usually the missionaries come by and see how inactive members are and try to get them back into Church, yea.....its been a while on that too.
But last week I got a phone call. Yes, it was someone from the Church, but they were calling to make sure I knew it was my Saturday to come in and clean the building. I didn't have a ride and I'll be darned if someone (who I don't know) called me to let me know they would pick me up and everything!!!!! And I really was going to do it but my carpel tunnel is really bad right now and I am in a splint until I can line up my surgery with an orthopedic.
OK, here is my thing.....and I really could use some feedback PLEASE.......Am I normal for feeling some type of way??? Is it normal that it breaks my heart that I "thought" I had real friends that cared about me???? If the Church really cared, why haven't they reached out to me other then to let me know its my turn to do something for them???? Am I wrong???? Is it just the adversary??? or my mental illness???
To those of you who are members, can you do me a favor??? Reach out to your converts!! It is really hard to live this lifestyle without a support system!!! If you have inactive members, call them!! send them a text!!! See how they are doing!!!!! And people!!!! If you have a calling, such as VT or a Home teacher, do your callings!!! Aren't y'all supposed to be NOT making members feel like me?? How does the Church expect to get members and keep members if they act like they care in Church but outside of Church its like you don't even exist!! That's really a good way to push people away from the Church!!! I promise ya!!!!! I talk about going to Church every week!!! And I still don't go because I feel like I am not even wanted there in the first place!
I am not trying to put my Church down,
I am not trying to disrespect the Church.
I love my religion and all it stands for
It has made me a better person even if I am not perfect and I know my Heavenly Father still loves me no matter what!
I just wish some of these "members" would take a step back and look at themselves before judging others!!! As members of the Church we should be building each other up, not breaking each other down!!!!
I am sorry for the rant but It is really on my heart to seek advice and figure out what I need to do. If your reading this, I am grateful for any help or suggestions. I've been praying and my heart has really been hurting over this and I don't know what to do. Thanks in advance for any advice!! And if you dont wanna comment......send me a quick little message there on the right side!!
Muahs & #stayblesse
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