Life & Breakups

So, How have y'all been??!!  Its been such a long time!  huh?  Well, I have a ton of stuff going on in my life now and I figured why not blog???  Right!?

Anyhow, here is the reason why I feel the need to blog.....Ive always wrote blogs to help others who maybe going through things similar to me and hopefully it'll help someone else.  I always tend to write about my mental illness, my faith, and just life in general.  I am praying that this post will help me as well....you know, help clear my mind and maybe even get some insight from some others who maybe going through this as well.

So, 2 1/2 weeks ago, my son's father, my bf of the last 15 years has ended it with me......

Yea, that's exactly what I was thinking......This has been a really hard time for me.....If y'all have read my previous blogs, I am sure i have mentioned a list of mental issues I have, but if you don't know.....here is a list...

• bipolar disorder
• PTSD
• Borderline personality
• Adjustment disorder
• schezo
• social anxiety

So, you can only imagine how this has been going for me.

Week:1

 I was angry, sad, confused, scared, everything! Just a total wreck!!  I haven't had to work in like 8 years, to now.....I HAVE to work to get a place for my son and myself.  On top of that....its sooooo lonely! Especially if you have no friends and things because your focus has been on him for years!! And not on yourself. I constantly wanted to fight with him......just to have a conversation with him and stuff.  BUT, things are getting a little easier to deal with.

Week 2:

Getting easier.....I have finally just left him alone.  Which, when u still live under the same roof it is very hard!!  I finally told him I have no fight left in me.  I was soooo tired! Physically and mentally.  (the reason I am still in his house is because I have no where else to go and I just started working and its gonna take money to move) Anyhow.......I'm done. I am tired of questioning why I was not good enough.  Because, I am GOOD.  and if he didn't see that, well, his loss.  And I am FAR from perfect, I have done some messed up stuff in the past. I give you that.  And I own up to it.  BUT, I have been working hard on myself and my mental illnesses and I guess that just wasn't enough.

During this time I have really gone back to my faith.  I started back into Church.  And I am finally feeling more at peace with myself and this whole messed up situation.  I have been doing a ton of praying and I have come to this realization....

My daddy has always told me growing up that God will never put us through more then we can handle.  I am sure many of y'all have heard this same passage.  Forever I have always wondered if this is true.  I have been through soooo much in the past 39 years.  So much.  But, I have found comfort in my Heavenly Father.  Ive prayed and prayed and I just figure there is something soooo  much better out there for me. And no, I am not talking about a man, I am talking about continuing to better myself. My New Yrs Resolution was to become a better person, mentally, physically and spiritually.  I have lost 40lbs.  I am on a medicine cocktail now that honestly seems to help AND now.......I am drawing closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father.  I feel this is his way of making me better spiritually and that will lead to me being happier and healthier!

Sometimes the negativity and people that hold you back or bring you down need to be removed from our lives.  I know its hard and I know it isn't better over night, but, if you turn to our Heavenly Father....he will comfort you.  Have faith and trust in him that he has a better plan for you.  Start living life for yourself & God and no one else(unless u have kids)

If you are going through anything like this, just know.....

Have a blessed day!

maybe? just sometimes......

Good morning y'all!  I just wanted to let u know that I have a blog I am working on for #thankfulthursday, I am so sorry it hasn't been published yet, but, it's from the heart and I want to make sure it's completely done before I publish.  I don't do a ton of "spiritual" or "religious" post.....I know it is a touchy subject, but......sometimes, its what I need at the moment.  Ya know??  sometimes its just a good way for me to reflect and a good way for my relationship to grow between me and Heavenly Father.  BUT I also know the Spirit works through us in ways that it does help others while it's helping us!!  lol  Funny how everything has a purpose......wouldn't you say!!!??  It is a cold dreary day here in Ga and I am not sure if Ill have anything to do for a #subscriptionboxsaturday (unless my jamberrys come today, fingers crossed!) But, how about a #spiritualsaturday?

*disclaimer*  Anything I post religious, Please.......I don't claim I know everything, nor am I a scholar in any way.  I am not a preacher and I am not trying to convert u into my religion (unless u feel in ur heart that u want to learn more) wink wink.

I just wanna share some of the things I feel and go through as an individual, mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, friend in my everyday life experiences and/or challenges.  Or to maybe look deeper into the mind of someone who deals with multiple mental illnesses on a daily basis?  Dont get me wrong!  This will NOT be my everyday posts!  Ill continue with my usual subscription boxes, beauty, deals, and my adorable grandson......but, once in awhile, maybe this??

Anyhoo, comment......let me know what y'all think!!  Are y'all even interested in it??  I love y'all!!  I'll have a finished post soon! Stay warm and stay blessed!!!!!

my cozy lil set up for my Saturday

Muahs!!!

smarty pants

No, really.... He is!! My son, who is 11 for a few more weeks, is so smart!! I am so beyond proud of him!

He did very well all through elementary school and I'm not gonna lie...i was nervous about him going to middle school this year!! You know, when they are lil.... You can be on top of everything they do! The teacher would communicate with you on a daily basis. But, not in middle school! It's all up to him now. But, I have to say.... He has surprised me so far this year.
He hasn't never been the athletic type like his older brother. He is a gamer and a book worm. But, this year he has really taken on alot. I was worried, but, he has exceled like always!! He has all AP classes.
He wanted to take band ✔

Yes... He chose the tuba lol
He mastered his locker ✔

He got in with the football team.....(water boy until spring cause 6th grade can't play)✔

He has blossomed into this social butterfly ✔

Homecoming 2014
And he is on the academic team!! Their first match they won 2 outta 3 matches and his last match they won all the matches!!

And with all this going on.... He still managed all As and two Bs on his report card!! Yeah, I'm a proud momma!
What have your lil ones done that make you proud??
Muahs

lazy FHE

Monday nights......i love them!! That's when we do FHE(family home evening)
Ever since my youngest started middle school this year, we seem to be so busy! From academic team meets, football, 4-h, regular school days, church activities, and his"gaming" I really feel like I don't get to be with my baby near as much as I used to!! *tear*
So, Monday nights is really like my security blanket. I'm gonna hold on to these for as long as I can!! Not only do we get to disconnect from the outside world and spend time together, but, it's also a time of learning and spiritual growth as a family.

Don't get me wrong, I love ❤ getting lessons together and making fun treats or baking with my son.... But, I am human and some days I'm really wore out (I know, not an excuse) but, my daughter and grandson have been up for two weeks now... So, we ended up not having a lesson 😢 BUT...

Sloppy Joe's

Gotham

And family 👪 time and love...... Sounds like a pretty good FHE to me!! What did ya'll do for FHE? Or if not, what was for dinner? How was your lil ones day?
Muahs!

my sons last game as a junior

That's my baby!! He had been playing football 🏈 his whole life and tonight... His last game as a junior in high school.
I'm really proud of him. I know he is going to do great in the years to come.

Tonight was an interesting game. My old high school vs his. Well.... My old high school came in undefeated and left undefeated, but, it wasn't without a fight. Our boys gave them a run for their money 💵 I think they ended the season strong. The game flip flopped the whole time, but, in the end(thanks to a ton of bs calls by the refs) we lost. Final score was 48-38

I can't wait to see what his future holds for him!

Muahs👄

sometimes i don't understand

Yall...... This is something that happened that really hurt my heart ❤
You see, when my daughter got pregnant, Karsyn's dad....aka "sperm donor" stopped coming around. Surprise surprise.... Lol

My daughter's cute baby bump
I guess being a parent, who would lose my life for my children, I just don't understand it??

He wasn't there for his birth and he has only seen this sweet baby maybe 3 times since he has been born!?

Karsyn's 1st bday
No call nothing
The thing that just broke my heart was this...
The other day my daughter, karsyn, and myself went to pay my cell phone bill. As we were going in, Karsyn's sperm donor was coming out. He didn't acknowledge Karsyn or speak. I made the comment "so, your not gonna speak to your son?
Can you believe this butt kept going??!! I mean, how can you do that to such a sweet baby!!?? He didn't ask to be here and he has done nothing wrong to deserve to be treated that way!!!!!
So, to all the single moms out there, I salute you!!

Ya'll really have some big shoes to fill. Just remember, never give up and know I pray for every single one of yall every day! And if you fall....

Get right back up and keep going......

late monday post:happy bday

First thing I have to say about Nov 3 is that 17 years ago, my oldest son joined our family!

I'm so proud of him..... Can't believe collage is just around the corner!! I am thankful for my children, I never knew I'd learn so much from them!!