I went to the Dr on Tues of last week. My health isn't the best right now(blog to come) and whenever I get into Church, and doing what I am supposed to do, It's like the adversary uses my bipolar and anxiety to work against me. I have been stretched soooooo far in running errands and being responsible for having everyone to work, practice, Dr's, etc I just don't have time for myself! My Dr told me to take 30 mins a day for me. And that doesn't happen.
I got up yesterday (Sunday) morning at 630am, and my anxiety kicked in right off the bat!!! I had to have my daughter to work at 830am which means that my grandson had to get up and get ready for Church with me since I watch him! All I could think was, Church is the ONLY thing I have that's MINE! That's the 3 hrs a week I get away and learn and draw closer to my Heavenly Father! (I mean, minus scripture study and daily prayer) But, you get what I am saying!? Right??? Well, I hate when the adversary gets in my head like that!! And when I feel rushed, it kicks my anxiety through the roof!! He was playing so hard against me that I even said, "screw it, I'm NOT going!" BUT, I took a moment and prayed. I prayed hard too. I prayed for a calm to come over me, I prayed that Heavenly Father would strengthen me to continue to endure...... and it worked, I had a calm feeling come over me and I said I'm NOT gonna rush, So, I proceeded to get ready and get my grandson ready. We were running late, but hey......we were getting there!! lol
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| he cleans up nicely! |
This isn't the picture I wanted, I have one of My son in a tie too. I believe my son was about 4 in his pic and my grandson is only 2. They don't favor that much in these two, Ill try and find a better one later......Now, where was I? Oh yea, running late to get to Sacrament.........
I love this kid and it is amazing how just saying a prayer can make you feel so much better about life and what is going on at that moment.
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| my companion and myself |
I realized I didn't have much gas :/ lol, Its ALWAYS something. He really works hard!!! We made it to Church and I have to tell u, this blows my mind! My grandson NEVER sits still and during Sacrament he did so well!! I was able to hear all the talks! I was beyond proud!! He doesn't go to Church with me. but, now that his mom is working weekends, I have him. That's why I was sooo amazed at how well he did!!
After Sacrament I took him to nursery. For the simple fact that he doesn't go to daycare nor does he go Church, I thought I would stay with him for a while. I mean, who wants to make Church a bad experience? I mean, MiMi throws me in this room with a few kids and a teacher and leaves me? No, I want him to WANT to go to Church with me, I want him to WANT to see his new friends in nursery!! He was playing, and once again.......he sat in a chair and listened to the teacher!! I was shocked!! It makes me wonder if that is the Spirit playing a part?? I wonder?? If anyone knows, or has an idea, let me know!!
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| Getting to church, notice the mismatched shoes? |
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| see how well he was doing? |
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| I was still in shock |
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| he WAS doing GREAT |
Notice the last caption?? WAS??!! This is where I feel like the adversary started working overtime since I HAD made it to Church. The Bishop comes to the nursery and ask all the parents to step out so he could speak to us, Yup, that's right......I was asked to leave the room for a min!! AND HE LOST IT!! I could hear him just screaming!! And see? that's what I was trying to avoid. I go back in the room and there he is, tears streaming down his face, snot and spit bubbles, just a mess! And of course he didn't wanna leave me after that. I decided to just take him to SS with me. Give it a try? Right? And guess what?? He sat in my lap, I was able to participate in discussion, once again......proud of him, UNTIL.....
"Pee?" really? I looked down and asked him if he had to Pee and he replied with "Pee...." and then it happened. Before I could get him up and to the bathroom he peed in my lap!! He was wet, I was wet, and I had no clothes. So, I guess I can give the adversary this point! I just hope he realizes I am going to come back that much harder!!!
In Oct 1987, James E Faust did a talk called "The Great Imitator" In this talk he said,
I think we will witness increasing evidence of Satan’s power as the kingdom of God grows stronger. I believe Satan’s ever-expanding efforts are some proof of the truthfulness of this work. In the future the opposition will be both more subtle and more open. It will be masked in greater sophistication and cunning, but it will also be more blatant. We will need greater spirituality to perceive all of the forms of evil and greater strength to resist it. But the disappointments and setbacks to the work of God will be temporary, for the work will go forward (see D&C 65:2).
I believe this with all my heart. And I feel that since he knows I am aware that this is him, trying to keep me from doing what I am supposed to do, that he is throwing cheap shots! Things that physically are hindering me now!
I guess my whole point of ALL this rambling is this.......
"Be aware. Hold on to the Iron Rod. Pray. Go to Church. Do FHE. Pay your tithing. Do all of the things you're commanded to do. I know that it is hard! I really do! I go through these battles DAILY! I promise u! I also know that sometimes we give in to the anger, or the anxiety. We are only human and that is why we have forgiveness. I know our Heavenly Father loves us. And he is always with us. Even during the times we feel all alone, I want u to know to keep your head up!! Jeep pushing forward!! NEVER give up! If you slip and fall.....get right back up. Endure until the end. And ALWAYS know that some of us are going through similar situations. And that is why I do my blogs. Someone, somewhere, may feel a little better knowing they aren't the only ones that have the adversary trying to knock them back. If you fall into this category(which we all should) Just know I pray for you daily! I know that we will be blessed for following his commandments. And sometimes, you might need to be still for a min, and think of the situation. Our Heavenly Father allows bad things to happen to us to help us gain our testimonies and sometimes to even teach us a lesson!! Many people say "God will not put on you more then you can handle" But, if your read in the bible where he speaks of this (I believe it is 1 Chor 10:13), he is talking about temptation. I read a cool quote that I will close with.
It appears that God will give us more than we can handle so that we will give Him the handle to steer our lives! "
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